The Polite One's Insights

  Celebrating the new year with a new home?  If so, you may be considering a housewarming party to break the new place in.  Often homeowner hosts this commonplace party for close friends, family, and—perhaps—a few new neighbors.  The premise is that you are "warming your home with love." Not stuff from others. While gifts are common, they are typically small token gifts , such as candles, picture frames, wine, plants, or a coffee table book.  However, gifts should never be expected and never the focus.  No gift table.  It’s not polite. There seems to be a bit of confusion surrounding this simple tradition.  In fact, some are confusing this party with a bridal shower, even calling it a "housewarming shower."  Regrettably, some homeowners register and expect expensive gifts from their guests.  Frankly, there is no such thing as a housewarming shower.  A housewarming shower has never been a thing . Embarrassingly, w...

  The holidays arrive with a flurry of family events, the first of which is Thanksgiving.  Many of us consider thankfulness, like being thankful for the food on our plate and the good health of our family—especially during Covid.  Definitely, these are worthy of our thanks.  Create a Focus But in the realities of the day, we are probably also most thankful when the entire family can sit down peaceably and behave in a cordial manner, which is a stretch at times.  Often when a bunch of personalities sits at one table, even family , at least one person says something to upset another.  It may help for all of us to focus on what is important.  It isn’t who baked the best pie or who gets to sit next to grandpa.  It is, in essence, time and people.  We are taking the time to spend with those who matter most to us.  Now that we have our focus, perhaps it is time to discuss some strategies and rules.  Start with a Plan While ...

How Party Etiquette Changed & is Hosting Easier or Harder? Dear Polite One, How has party etiquette changed during the last decades?   What makes throwing parties easier or harder today?   What are the qualities of the best hosts you’ve ever seen?   What about the worst? Party Person Dear Party Person, I don’t really think party etiquette has changed much except that we have more options.   It is not just crate paper and balloons these days.   Television, exposure to many other cultures, and the Marthas of the world have opened our eyes to giving parties in a variety of ways.   So, I believe hosting parties is somewhat easier today because we can choose between a wide variety of themes and still be considered fashionable, or etiquette (ly) correct. As for hosts, the best hosts are those who behave as if they want to spend time with every guest in attendance.   They plan well.   They provide adequate food and beverages, r...

  Discussing politics is a potentially divisive subject.  So great care should be taken to choose the right place and the right audience for our discussions.  And since we are in a never-ending season of mega-politics, it is best to discuss some etiquette to consider.  Consider the right forum before beginning the conversation Don’t forget your basic manners Respect Consideration Courtesy No interrupting Listen to other’s opinions Work and Politics Don’t Mix We can create an “us against them” atmosphere when discussing politics at work .  Plus, it could change our working relationships when our workmates discover we are one of “them.” I doubt any of us wants to hear, “Oh my, she is a bleeding-heart liberal or right-wing conservative” as we pass our workmates.  Social settings are often not ideal for political discussions Even at a seemingly pleasant dinner party , we could create an “Us against them” atmosphere, which isn’t po...

When you've decided to hope a gathering.  You are now a host which means: you invite, you pay.  Hosts provide all refreshments and food . Never ask guests to bring the party.  If you invite, you entertain. Entertain your guests by inviting interesting people with similar views.  Interact with your guests and always ensure they are never thirsty or hungry.  They shouldn’t have to ask for anything. Do not frighten your guests with formality. Set the table with no more than three forks at a time even for a very formal party.  And forget the finger bowls for heaven’s sake.  Do not write ‘adult only event’ on the invitation. This is insulting to parents.  However, we can imply it by listing the party as a ‘ cocktail party’ and by scheduling it later in the evening.  Also, use an RSVP.  Ask the guests to call you so you can verbally inform them that this event is best child-free due to alcohol or the time of day.  Do not ...

  It may be difficult to believe, but not long ago, those hosting a dinner party , seated couples separately to encourage conversation.   For those of us who feel tethered—in a good way—to our significant other, this made for an uncomfortable evening.   Thankfully, this is no longer ‘the rule’.  Now the well-mannered host can seat couples next to each other and not fear a dull evening or a slap on the wrist from the etiquette police.  Who Are Your Guests? The great host always knows something about his/her guests and attempts to learn more, like food /beverage preferences and restrictions, and if the guest is talkative or shy.   This makes it much easier to seat them across from a couple that may complement them.   In fact, seating complementary guests across from one another helps liven a gathering.   Seeing others’ faces helps stimulate conversation greatly. Anyone Want to Know About Crowder Vs. Ling? It is best to also know abou...

  Holiday Etiquette 101: Parties, Attire and More. Happy holidays!  Welcome to the season of heightened and widely varying emotions and behaviors. Holidays should bring us closer, but distractions often hinder our efforts.  Brick and mortar stores make it easier and easier to shop-till-you-drop by opening earlier and earlier.  Now the populace can push, shove, and sling never-ending profanities when they should be enjoying their pumpkin pie with family.   Alternately, there is always that kind person who pays it forward by purchasing a cup of coffee for the customer behind him.  The barrage of unkind and kind behaviors makes me a bit dizzy each year.  You too?  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we had a set of holiday rules everyone is required to read?  It would be even better if we all agreed to follow these rules.  Better yet, we all agree to use these rules going forward.  Now that...

  Etiquette 101: How-To Host a Perfect Holiday Party Ah, the smell of cinnamon sticks simmering in apple cider, the sound of laughter bouncing off walls, the sight of mistletoe dangling from the ceiling.  It must be the holiday party season!  With the holidays in sight, all would-be party planners are in high gear.   However, as the season progresses, those gears tend to get bogged down a bit with anxiety over nagging questions of decorum.  Because hosts want their guests to enjoy the party, they are uncertain about a myriad of issues.  Thus, have many questions.  Let us go over a few.        How soon do you send out invites for a holiday party ? The holiday season tends to become a blur with the numerous demanding engagements, gift shopping, and heightened emotions.  Therefore, it is best to send holiday party invitations at least three weeks in advance.  Evit...

Follow these Tips to Avoid Insulting Guests As an etiquette specialist, I receive a myriad of wedding planning questions.  Most of these are about the bridal shower, as there are many misconceptions about this party.   Although still considered a gift-giving event by many, the main purpose of a bridal shower is to bring people together, thus generating excitement for the upcoming nuptials.  Due to the gift-giving aspect of the party, it is vitally important to host it correctly.  If not, it could appear a huge gift-grabbing event.   What follows are my never-to-break bridal shower rules.   Mothers do not host. Since most people still host bridal showers as gift-giving events, it is best mothers and close family members bow out of hosting duties.  It is simply common sense.  Naturally, mothers would try to garner the most gifts possible, as our judgment is impaired when it comes to our children....

  Birthday Party Etiquette So, you want to host a special party that is in good taste.   What to do?   Considering that a child's birthday party is a gift-giving event, there is some etiquette to consider.  Since you are your child's best teacher, it's best you know what this etiquette is; and as such, you can use this event as a teaching tool.   Involve your child in the planning of the party with a focus on his/her guests in mind: refreshments, activities, thank you gifts, and notes.    Here's a bit of Q & A to help you and your child to plan politely. Dear Polite One,   I am inviting all my daughter's friends to her 12th birthday party . However, she wants her three closest friends to stay afterward for a sleepover.  When the party is over, how can I politely dismiss the eight girls who are not invited to the sleepover?    Sleepover, Dear Sleepover,  Ouch!...